if i slumber

if i slumber
will i ever awake
if i succumb to the
darkness
will it consume me
snatch up my soul and
devour it
like a midnight snack

 hear my breath echoing

against the walls
feel the ache
of sleeplessness

 the thoughts that fly

flutter and spin in my
mind
my body and spirit
spiraling
free-falling

 i count my sorrows by

the minutes spent staring through
the night
and my joys by the delicious and
tantalizing
visions that occasionally find me
and my fears by the gut-wrenching and
horrific
nightmares that overtake me
more often than sweet dream

 i count each rip in my heart by

the tears my fingers have
made in my pillowcase
i number my broken dreams by
the times i wake up with a jolt
wishing that i could return to
my dream world
but knowing that the
next realm i visit
will be a land
of horror

 so i lie awake

force myself to subsist
on as little sleep as is
humanly
inhumanely
primitively
minimally
possible

 i’d rather remain frozen in a

permanent state of
insomnia
than face the
nightmares
that knock me
facedown and frightened
with my blankets on my
bedroom floor

Feel

*I wrote this one over a month ago, but never got around to posting it... It was right after my ex broke up with me... It's about how I wasn't able to feel the pain*

I don’t feel the pain.

But I can hear it.

Deep inside, I know

it’s there.

When I open my mouth

to talk about it,

my voice cracks,

chokes,

dies.

As my voice cracks,

my eyes leak.

Just a little.

Not much.

But enough.

Enough for me to

know that the

pain is there

and there’s enough

of it to make me cry.

When friends offer

their comfort,

it reminds me that

I need to be

comforted,

which means that

I’m hurting.

I know I need

the hugs,

but if I choose

to accept them,

I choose to

acknowledge the pain.

I know the pain

is there, but

I can’t feel it.

If I can’t feel,

how can I heal?

How will I know that

the pain is real?

How can I grieve?

I want to feel.

I just don’t want the pain.

Changing Seasons

Daylight comes.

Nighttime stays.

Bright blue skies

And cloudy days.

Touch of raindrop,

Sunshine sweet.

Silver snowflakes,

Pouring sleet.

Heart of silver,

Precious tears.

Changing of seasons,

Throughout the years.

spider web tale

weave for me a
pretty spider web tale
and I’ll listen to
every word

share with me

the delightful secrets
of the universe and
what lies beyond
 
unlock the untold
mysteries and show
me the answers to
all life’s questions
 
paint my name in
the midnight sky
and take my hand
so I can fly

Don't touch my life

What makes you think
that you’re entitled to be
a part of my life?
 
Is it that
we’ve known
each other
for so long,
been so close,
and you just
can’t let it go?

Are you still

grasping onto
the false hope
that maybe we’ll
reclaim what you
thought we once had?

If so, you’re

just kidding yourself.

It won’t happen.

It’s gone.

Stop holding on

to this twisted

delusion.

I’ve drawn this line.

Can’t you see it?

It separates me

from you and the

life we had.

See this line?

That’s where my

life begins.

Don’t cross it.

See this life?

It’s mine.

Don’t touch it.

frozen heart

take a lighter

burn my skin

light a fire

deep within

falling out the window

peering wide-eyed through

the cracked windowpane

of scarred skin and

bloody battles

knuckles turning white

from holding too tightly

to scarlet tissues

and hourglass dreams

quickly slipping from

the windowsill

wet with the dew

of seawater tears

gazing at the warm

light now out of reach

longing for the

safety and shelter

turning away

finding joy and love

in a new world

a new reality