if i slumber

if i slumber
will i ever awake
if i succumb to the
darkness
will it consume me
snatch up my soul and
devour it
like a midnight snack

 hear my breath echoing

against the walls
feel the ache
of sleeplessness

 the thoughts that fly

flutter and spin in my
mind
my body and spirit
spiraling
free-falling

 i count my sorrows by

the minutes spent staring through
the night
and my joys by the delicious and
tantalizing
visions that occasionally find me
and my fears by the gut-wrenching and
horrific
nightmares that overtake me
more often than sweet dream

 i count each rip in my heart by

the tears my fingers have
made in my pillowcase
i number my broken dreams by
the times i wake up with a jolt
wishing that i could return to
my dream world
but knowing that the
next realm i visit
will be a land
of horror

 so i lie awake

force myself to subsist
on as little sleep as is
humanly
inhumanely
primitively
minimally
possible

 i’d rather remain frozen in a

permanent state of
insomnia
than face the
nightmares
that knock me
facedown and frightened
with my blankets on my
bedroom floor